WHEN THINGS DON’T WORK ON THE FIELD

(and you want to tell your child something for his/her “own good”)

       

       

(A) The players know when they’ve messed up a play. They also usually know what they did wrong. So, they really don’t need to be told too much. If a shot kind of dribbles towards the goalkeeper, you don’t need to yell, “More power” or, “Not to the goalkeeper”. They know.

 

(B) Let the coaches give the strategic advice. The coaches know what was covered in practice; they know what should have been done. They also know each player’s stage of development and limitations, and they consider those things. They’ve also had years of “practice” at constructive phrasing (and, still often don’t get it right).

 

(C) Unless you are one of the coaches, it is not acceptable to be critical of another parent’s child during a game. Unless someone has told you that they want you to yell at their child, doing so is going to create some hard feelings that the team is better off without.

 

(D) Your relationship with your child is precious. It is also more tenuous during the teen years. You may think your child is “tough enough” to have you criticize him/her, but such criticism from a parent is very confusing to a teenager. Being chastised in public is very embarrassing. (Sometimes, they even have friends on the other team.)

 

(E) Don’t coach your child when he/she is substituted (i.e., comes off the field) during a game. The player should get water and come right back to the sidelines with the coaches, ready to immediately go back in. Please don’t call your child over so that you can give advice. Let the coaches do that.

 

(F) Don’t rag on your own child or about other players in the car on the way home. It’s very demoralizing, and it takes away their desire to even play. If his/her efforts are always met with criticism from you, your child won’t want to play at all. If you are always “dis”ing the team or coach, your child will adopt your values and opinions, and “all” might be lost.

 

(G) Here’s one thing I know that gives me great comfort when things go wrong on the field. It might help you, too: Whatever happens, it isn’t done on purpose. Players are trying as hard as they can to be successful. If they make a mistake, it wasn’t intentional.

 

(H) Here's another thing that my wife reminds me of. We watch a lot of professional soccer on television. The pros can't do it 'correctly' either. Professional soccer on television is your proof that it's normal for your child to miss the shots, pass to an opponent, or just not "be there". In light of what you see the pros do, you look kind of silly when you yell phrases such as, "Who to?", "You gotta be there.", and "How could you miss that?"

 

(I)  In short, leave the sidelines coaching to the coaches. Just enjoy your child’s play. Thank you. You’re going to have a fun season.