Things We Say and Do
That Make Us Look Silly


 

Not everything we say has instructional, tactical, or strategic value. Some things are said out of embarrassment or nervousness. Some things are said out of tradition. Some things are said because we're showing off. Some things are said because we don't think first.
This is one of those pages that won't ever be finished.
Silly Things Said to Field Players Who Can Still Run
Go-Go-Go-Go-Go (said very fast)
Get it. Get it. Get it.
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! (increasing emphasis as the player gets closer to the goal)
Hurry up!
 Sooner.
Faster.
Slower.
Take your time.
Wait!
Any day, now.
Don't lose the ball.
Get it out of there.
Clear it.
Boom it. (Kick it. Punch it. Whack it.)
Big kick!
Put it in the net.
Who's got No. 14?
Silly Things Said to Field Players Who Can't Run Any Longer
Run.
Keep running.
Keep going.
Faster.
Don't stop running.
Don't slow down.
Are you tired?
Get in the game.
Get your head in the game.
Get your butt in the game.
Wake up!
If you don't start running, I'm going to take you out.
You can beat him/her.
Are you going to let that big (tall, short, fat, slow, etc.) kid beat you?
Silly Things Said to Players Who Are Down
Are you okay?
You're okay.
What's the matter?
Are you hurt?
Does it hurt? (as tears stream down the player's face)
Does THIS hurt? (as the coach moves the potentially broken ankle around in circles)
You're not hurt. (That doesn't hurt.)
That's enough.
Time's up!
Stand up! (Get up!)
Get going!
Come on, come on, come on.
Get back in the game.
Your team needs you.
Suck it up.
Shake it off.
Walk it off.
Play like (Pretend) it didn't happen.
Forget about it.
Silly Things Said to Players Who Have Just Made Mistakes
Hel-lo'??!!
Don't do that ever again!
Why did you do that?
Can you Puh-leez tell me why you did that?
Wake-up!
Let Sam (Sally) take those kicks next time.
Next time, put it in the net.
The goal is over here.
Who to?
Take him (her) out.
Don't let him (her) push you.
Next time, don't miss.
Softer pass, Meg.
Harder pass, Jim.
We just practiced that.
Do it like we did in practice.
Look up (Look down; point your toe, keep your head over the ball, under the ball, in the ball, etc.)
Follow your shot.
Silly Things Said to Goalkeepers
keeper! Keeper! KEEPER! (yelled by the coach as if the goalkeeper is blind as the ball is rolling towards him/her)
Get it!
Keeper, that's yours.
That WAS yours.
Just don't stand there.
Dive!
Why did you let the ball go in the net?
Don't worry about it. We can get it back.
Silly Things Said to an Entire Team
Are you afraid of them?
Don't be afraid of them.
Get it back. (After the opponents score a goal.)
Play like its zero-zero. (when it's really 0:7 against your team)
You're a better team than that (this).
You're a better team than they are.
Play our (your) game.
Don't play kick-ball like them.
They're just playing kick-ball.
If the referee won't stop the pushing, then you push them back.
I didn't drive all the way to Fresno to see you play like this.
I came all the way to Fresno to see this?
Gotta listen to the referee, team.
Silly Things Said to Referees
He (she) can't do that, ref.
Just protect my players, ref.
Call it both ways, ref!
Ref, are you blind?
Don't be afraid to raise your flag, ref.
Use your linesman, ref.
You've got a linesman, ref.
I can't believe it!
Oh, my god. Oh, My God. OH, MY GOD!
Awful, just awful.
That was the worst refereeing I've ever seen.
This IS the worst refereeing I've ever seen.
Give me a whistle.
I could do better than this.
My 4-year old (wife, dog, etc.) could do better than this.
Is that a new rule, ref?
I hope you're proud of yourself (that game, etc.)
You suck, ref!
It's okay. Everybody makes mistakes.
But, the last referee said it was "okay". Why isn't it now?
She (he) has played with that cast (those pierced ears, that bandana, etc.) the entire season.
The player pass(es) aren't here yet (were lost by the team manager, are in the mail, weren't given back by the last referee.)
Nobody cares (will mind). It's okay. You can ask the entire team (the district registrar, the club president, the parents, etc.)
I know, because I'm a referee, too, ref.
Silly Things Done by Referees

Not permitting a player to play because...
... the player's pass isn't laminated
... her fingernails are too long
... the player is wearing bumblebee socks
... his/her long-sleeved sweatshirt (under the short-sleeved team jersey) has long sleeves (even though it is -47 degrees outside)
 … there is no elastic strap keeping a player's glasses attached to his/her head

Making players take off their glasses if they are not athletic goggles or held on by a strap
Requiring players (girls) to cut their fingernails.
Requiring girls to put tape on their fingernails.
Ahh, what the heck: Even inspecting girls' fingernails.
Making players change their socks so that they all match.
Canceling a game because there aren't any corner flags on the field.
Stopping play at the first drop of rain.
Continuing play after the first signs of lightning.
Touching an injured player.
 
Things Said by Announcers

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Goal! Goal! Goal! Goal! Goal!"

Additional Contributors
Bill Richter, Michael Smith, Art Watkins

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